I wanted to do this sincerely, as a human being, so that my conscience would be clear. But my husband always said it wasn’t necessary, that she wouldn’t want anyone reminding him of the past. He tried to sound calm, but I felt a strange tension in his voice, as if he wasn’t just against it — he was afraid of that visit.

I blamed it on painful memories, but the desire to go there only grew stronger. And one day, I simply took the flowers and left. Without telling him.