This past Christmas Eve, the house was packed. Twenty-two relatives, neighbors, and stray friends who heard “open door” and walked in with dessert. My wife, Mara, stood by the tree arranging plates. Our daughter, Lily, nine years old, hovered close to me because big rooms make her nervous.

“Everyone, plates are out!” my mom called, already in command mode. I tried to relax, telling myself we’d eat, smile, and slip out early.aning.”