“I see Rachel noted a high dose,” the nurse frowned, checking the chart. “We’ll dial it back.”

That afternoon, the nausea hit. Violent and sudden. My heart raced like a trapped bird. I pressed the call button, and Rachel appeared instantly, as if she had been standing just outside the door.

” palpitations?” she asked, her voice solicitous. “It’s a common reaction to the hormones. Here, this will stabilize you.”

She produced a pill cup. A single blue tablet.

“What is it?”

“Just a beta-blocker. Standard protocol.”

I swallowed it. I trusted the white coat. I trusted the institution. Why wouldn’t I?

Later that evening, Carol brought Lily to visit. My daughter’s eyes went wide when she saw her baby brother, but they narrowed when she looked at me.

“Mom, you look green,” Lily said bluntly.