I didn’t start clicking immediately. I needed to ensure the terms of our new arrangement were legally, unequivocally understood. I needed them to confirm the termination of my familial status on the record.
I picked up my phone, hit ‘Speaker,’ and dialed Harold’s number. He answered on the second ring, his breathing heavy, clearly expecting a tearful apology and a confirmation number for the wire transfer.
“What do you want?” Harold barked, his voice laced with arrogant triumph. “Changed your mind about the $5,000? Because the price of the dress just went up with the late fee.”
“No,” I said. My voice was as steady as a surgeon’s scalpel, devoid of any anger or sorrow. I sounded like a customer service representative dealing with a moderately annoying client. “I’m just calling to confirm what you said in your text. You revoked my key. I’m not family anymore, right?”
There was a brief pause. Harold wasn’t used to this tone. He was used to panic. “You heard me,” he growled, doubling down to regain the upper hand. “You’re a stranger to us until you make this right. You are cut off, Jennie.”
“Understood,” I said.
Click. With my left hand, I hit the ‘Cancel Autopay’ button on their mortgage portal. A green checkmark appeared: Payment Schedule Terminated. “Since I’m a stranger,” I continued smoothly, “I assume you wouldn’t want me paying your mortgage. It would be… inappropriate for a stranger to have equity in your home.”
“What? Jennie, what the hell are you talking about, don’t you dare—”
“And since I’m not family,” I went on, moving my mouse over to the auto-insurance portal, “I’ve just removed Lily, Martha, and you from my policy.”
Click. Confirm Removal.
“A stranger shouldn’t be held legally responsible for your accidents, Harold. You have fourteen days of grace coverage before it lapses entirely.”
“You’re bluffing,” Harold scoffs, though the bluster in his voice wavered, replaced by a sudden, sharp edge of genuine panic. “You’re too soft to do that. The bank will foreclose! Lily can’t drive to school!”
“I was soft,” I agreed. I opened the telecommunications tab. Three lines, all under my name, all utilizing unlimited data.
“But strangers are cold,” I said.
Click. Terminate Service – Immediate Effect.
“Oh, and Harold?” I said, listening to the sudden static interference on his end as the cellular network began to process the disconnection. “The Wi-Fi, the premium cable, and the streaming services are in my name too. I hope you and Mom have a lot of books to read in the dark.”
“Jennie! You ungrateful little—” Harold began to scream, a string of profanities erupting from his lungs that would have made a sailor blush. The mask of the ‘family man’ completely disintegrated, leaving only the rage of a parasite that had just been severed from its host.
“Have a nice life, Mr. Blackwood,” Read More :
